I do not claim to know the mind of anyone other than myself. At times, however, I definitively feel as though my thoughts and opinions are not always my own, and are highly offensive, even to me. I ponder daily on what to write here. As you can tell by my rambling, I obviously have not found something of any import to write about. I am determined to avoid becoming a blogger who says things like: today I got up, ate ham and cheese for lunch, worked out for 10 minutes, watched such and such on TV, and am going to bed after I write this. By the 3rd repetition of said sequence, other than the inexplicable desire to find out what you ate for lunch, and whether or not you can TRULY be THAT boring as to not have even an opinion about the TV show you watched, who would really be reading?

      Another downfall I have is that I enjoy posting my Tarot readings. I know that other than myself, no one is REALLY interested in reading today’s (yes I said TODAY’S) relationship evaluation via tarot deck. At the same time, The readings have been, in the large part, EXTREMELY positive. I enjoy spreading my happiness and positivity around. And also sharing the reasons WHY I am happy, calm (for the most part), sleepless…LOL… and smiling.

      My newest amusement has been my Daily SAT Word. This came about after about a million repeats of people telling me to please not use my SAT words right now, or being told that they don’t know SAT words, etc. Well, I believe everyone should be educated! I use these so-called “SAT words” to my children often. I do not dumb my speech down at all for them. If I need to explain or define a word I used, so be it. But, that means they will have just another word in their vocabulary to use. I also hold the belief that swearing makes you look uneducated. If you cannot make an argument without either name calling or swearing, you either aren’t trying, have NO valid points anyways, or you are really that stupid. All of which, are a waste of my time to even bother arguing with you. NOW, I WILL admit that I DO swear. Especially when I get ROYALLY pissed off, or injure myself unduly. Of course, if I were in the midst of a conversation, I would most likely ATTEMPT to contain myself and use my big girl words to express my anger or pain.

     I think a LOT. Sometimes I really do NOT know how to express all the thoughts in my head on paper. Often, the thoughts I am having have yet to coalesce into one COMPLETE thought and are still dancing about as piecemeal until such a time as I find the common meeting place. This is my constant state of frustrating.

      I also have a GIGANTIC misconception, that EVERY blog post I make, should MEAN something. It should be DEEP and MOVING. *snorts* It should use all those SAT words I brag about knowing, and express itself neatly, in an organized manner so that anyone can understand. I call this a misconception because honestly, if today’s blog is about how much I loved the chicken wings I ate for lunch, who cares? That is PLAINLY what was on my mind when I wrote the blog, and isn’t that what blogging is all about anyways?

      When I look back 5 years from now, some of the deeper posts may catch my interest, when my CHILDREN look back 40 years from now, the deeper posts may move them, but I’m going to bet they will love watching me wax philosophical about chicken wings and pizza as well. *shrugs* In the end. It is my blog, and whatever I want to post there is what I WILL post there. However, I just thought I would give you all a little view into what I am thinking when I post things.

        Toodle-oo

noun.  A puzzling predicament.

Zeitgeist:

noun. The intellectual and moral tendencies that characterize any age or epoch.

antidisestablishmentarianism:

an`ti`dis`es`tab`lish`men`ta´ri`an`ism (ăn`tė`dĭs`ĕs`tăb`lĭsh`men`târ´ė`ăn`ĭz'm)

n.
1.
the doctrine or political position that opposes the withdrawal of state recognition of an established church; - used especially concerning the Anglican Church in England. Opposed to disestablishmentarianism.

antidisestablishmentarianism

the principles of those who oppose the with-drawal of the recognition or support of the state from an established church, usually used in referring to the Anglican church in the 19th century in England.

rinciples of those who oppose the with-drawal of the recognition or support of the state from an established church, usually used in referring to the Anglican church in the 19th century in England.

So, whilst browsing the past tonight. I discovered a poem from a long time ago. I felt like sharing it.

          Insomnia

The clock ticks the hour
And the dark  of the night sweeps through
The mist rises over the road
As I watch the yellow shining moon

The old grey car eats the miles
The radio blaring loudly
As I stare out my window in silence
Not making a single sound

I lean my head against the glass 

And you reach over to take my hand
To squeeze and lift it to your lips
Before letting it slip away like sand

Blue meets blue for a heartbeat
Then your eyes return to the road
And I wonder if you're my "Prince Charming"
Or just another counterfeit toad

And I say please
....don't crush me
And you say maybe
....just don't rush me

And if
....you can't trust me
It's so crazy
....I can't sleep

You linger with a kiss and caress
But still you turn and walk away
All my thoughts desert me
 And yet again you've escaped and run astray

From this ferris wheel of longing
That without that backward glance
Shatters my soul and my composure
Did you forget my second chance?

And I say please
....don't forget me
And you say maybe
....you won't regret me

And if
....you would console me
It's so crazy
....I can't sleep

My eyelids grow heavy
As I trace the miles we've crossed
Remembering all those picture-perfect moments
That I put away and lost

I sing along with a sad love song
As I reach my final stop
I climb into my bed and close my eyes
And count the ticks of the clock

And I say please
....don't make me cry
And you say maybe
....you can't tell me lies

And I say please
....just don't hurt me
And you say maybe
....you won't desert me
 

And I say please
....don't forget me
And you say maybe
....you won't regret me

And if
....you could trust me
And if
....you could console me

And if
....you could love me
 

And if
....you could love me

It's so crazy
....I could sleep

(September 4, 1999)